He’s the man who finds presents for good girls and boys, the very best of those high-tech holiday toys. ‘Tis the season for Techno Claus, always in vogue (who bears a curious resemblance to our David Pogue):
I ask myself, as down the chimney I crawl:
Have I grown too fat? Or the chimney’s too small?
Well, never mind that: Merry Christmas, my dears!
I’m Techno Claus, bearer of tech gift idears.
This is my 15th appearance! I know!
We’re all gettin’ old! OK, on with the show…
A birdfeeder, really, is kind of absurd
‘Cause all you can do is go, “Oh, look—a bird!”
But this one identifies each little chap,
Sends pictures and videos right to the app.
A solar thing powers the camera below,
So you can do birdwatching, where e’er you go.
I like Bluetooth earbuds. They’re tiny and light.
But they don’t connect to the seatbacks in flight!
Well, this doodad plugs where the wire would go
And transmits the sound from your movie or show.
Another place you can unplug, if you will,
At the gym, doing cardio, treading the mill!
I travel for work, as you’ll hear from my spouse,
So how do I charge things whilst out of the house?
Up there in the sleigh, can’t plug into the wall.
So I use the mightiest charger of all!
This weatherproof solar collector’s the key
For hikers and campers, and nomads like me.
The showerhead you have could not be much dumber—
This smart one just screws in; you don’t need a plumber.
This light lets you know when the water gets hot,
An app tracks your water use, like it or not.
It’s powered by water! And best feature yet—
It slides from a mist to a powerful jet.
The basic design of the toaster, my dears,
Has stayed much the same for 100-plus years!
But this one heats faster, a timer counts down,
You just tap your bread and then what shade of brown!
It’s sweet, but expensive—outrageous, almost.
If you can afford it—I give you a toast!
Alas, today’s youth! They all film with the phone.
They take vertical videos, captured as shown.
And then, on the TV, you try to play back?
The picture’s all tiny! The screen’s mostly black!
Well, here is a fix for those urgent concerns:
A Samsung TV screen that actually turns!
I’m told that it’s time to fly onward, I fear.
The reindeer’s attention spans shrink every year.
I wish you this wish as the chimney I climb:
May all your technology work the first time!
Story produced by Lucie Kirk and Julie Kracov. Editor: Joseph Frandino.